You Are Not Entitled to Anything

In the fall of 2015, we are confronted with young people owning every gadget you can possibly think of, such as the iPhone. You have a computer that fits in the palm of your hand that you can do miraculous things with. A computer 40 years ago could not do half the things our iPhones can do and took up enough space to fill a large storage room. We have sure come a long way!

There is danger to having instant gratification at your fingertips and not have to do the work to obtain fulfillment. I spend a great deal of time with the first generation of Millennials who have become used to getting the things they want in a short amount of time.

What does this have to do with tennis?

In terms of coaching young men and women, I see a complete difference in the young people I coached some 20 years earlier. The overwhelming majority of the college kids I coach come to campus for the first time, and as it relates to tennis, they want instant gratification. They feel they are entitled to the reward and are not always willing to put the work in to reach their goals.

I spend a great deal of time recruiting young men and women to play tennis at the collegiate level for SUNY Oneonta. The last group of skilled and talented freshman men showed up at practice and many thought they were going to be the number one singles player because they are who they are. I told them that each person will have an opportunity to earn starting positions as we went through the challenge matches. Invariably, when a student lost that challenge match, I could see the “deer in the headlight” look in their faces … the realization of having to work hard at just being a starter would be challenging.

What do you say to a young man who has instant gratification in the palm of his hand and won many USTA junior matches and tournaments? Most of these young people were the best player on their high school squad and is now no longer king of the hill. Now comes the time where you find who has the character to persevere. Who will incinerate the thoughts of entitlement and start doing the work necessary to balance their lives on the tennis court and in the classroom? Who will say that it is “too hard” and simply quit?

A common theme I hear if a player quits is “I do not have the passion anymore” and “The classroom is creating excess stress that I cannot balance.” Make no mistake about it … I know what they are saying and I am very good at reading between the lines: “I want it to be fun and easy and have success. If not, I am not going to do it.” Where is it written that tennis is supposed to be fun and easy all the time?

When you play collegiate tennis and sports, you have to sacrifice time, and I look them in the face and say welcome to the real world, you will have to earn your spot. This concept is a real world scenario. The adults reading this know that nothing is handed to you, and in most cases, you will have to earn just about everything. For many young people, coming to college, they find out the hard way that they are entitled to nothing!

On a recent coaching trip, I met a respected member of the clergy from the United Kingdom who spoke about keeping your word. The ethical person makes a promise and keeps to it. I recruit players to compete in college and they say, “Well I am looking forward to committing and will do what it takes to be successful.” Then, reality sets in upon arrival and they find that work and long-term success is dependent on your day-to-day efforts both on the court and in the classroom. They have an unrealistic expectation even though I was crystal clear as to what it takes to be successful. Instant gratification is what some want, and for some, their lack of perseverance surfaces.

The game of tennis has evolved in the last 40 years from wood rackets to space-age equipment. We know now that power is a tool that can separate you from the rest of the competition. I have evolved in the coaching profession and have embraced the power game. In the years when I developed my game and passion tennis was a slower game, using the whole court to develop a winning game was predicated on consistency. Although being successful in tennis you have to be consistent, the game seems now to lend itself to win at power and not patience. Earlier gratification for the young players seems to be a common variable. This style runs hand-in-hand with the instant gratification I write about.

If you play tennis for me, I will hold you accountable. I cannot hold a gun to your head and make you play, but I can teach you an important lesson that you cannot handle life in the same fashion. Your boss will hold you accountable, no matter your position in life and the responsibilities you may have. Everything that comes with great success comes with hard work, and if it was easy, everyone would do it.

We celebrate those players who endure their four years of collegiate tennis, whether they are a starter or last on the depth chart. I know they accomplished something that the overwhelming majority of people cannot do. Those who get through this blink-of-an-eye, four-year collegiate sports/tennis experience go out in the real world better equipped to handle the adversity and lack of instant gratification the world will heap on them. Sports does not just build character, it also reveals character. Do you want it now or are you willing to work for it?