Confidence: Where Can I Find It When I Need It?

I was standing on the sidelines watching a young high school player prepare for tryouts for his varsity team. His coach was proud of the way he was hitting the ball and felt he had a really good chance of making this highly competitive roster.

One of the pesky problems that had frequently plagued this young man, though, was his inability to consistently perform well under pressure. His nerves would get the best of him and he was known to choke during important junctures of a match. Hoping to infuse his mentee with the motivation necessary to play tough, his coach’s final words to him were “Go out there with confidence, be aggressive!” After watching this scene, I said to the coach, “You’re telling him exactly the right thing, the problem is, he has no idea how to do it.”

Does this sound like a familiar scenario? How many times have you wanted to “be confident,” but didn’t have the strategies to implement such a request?

Let’s look at how confidence is really built and then I will offer you three tips to get you started on the road to mastery.

Do you remember when you first picked up a tennis racquet? How old were you? Do you think you were a confident player when you started? I would venture to say, probably not. You were a beginner. And because you were a beginner, you lacked experience. And the more you practiced, the better you got and the better you got, the more confidence you had in your ability to play the game. So confidence is based on our successes.

Now, let us imagine that you were playing a match with an opponent who was clearly better than you, but you had the expectation that you “should” beat him or her. So your expectations were in one place and the reality was in another. What you ended up with was disappointment and frustration and an opinion of yourself that you’re “just not that good.” And the confidence you had been developing was now being eroded.

So let’s look at a few tips that can help you build your confidence on a solid foundation:

Tip #1: With a non-judgmental attitude, assess the situation
While warming up, realistically ask yourself, is this someone I could conceivably beat? And if it is, know that you are on equal footing and focus on playing point by point to the best of your ability. If you recognize that your opponent is clearly a more experienced player than you, find something that you can challenge yourself with … something that you can feel successful about, even if the outcome of the match is a loss.

Tip #2: Flush out the demons
We are often not confident on the court is because of a painful past experience or a critical parent or coach that has taken residence in our unconscious mind without our conscious awareness. It is imperative that you take the time and get the help you might need to flush out the demons. Depending on the level of severity, they can unnecessarily continue to plague you for a lifetime and ruin your chances for great success and happiness.

Tip #3: Proper preparation
Many coaches will tell you that the best way to build your confidence is to prepare. Prepare for your upcoming matches. Get enough sleep and eat well. Gather your gear together the night before so that you do not create last minute chaos and stress. Get to the courts with plenty of time to spare. Have a pre-game ritual that sets you “in the zone” well before the match even begins.

If you begin to implement these important strategies, you will be on the road to being known as one of the players who cannot be shaken. Your opponent will have to beat you “fair and square.” And most importantly, you will know how to find that confidence within yourself when it’s needed the most.