Get Out Of Your Own Way

At the end of a challenging tennis lesson my client asked me if it was normal that she felt like she was getting worse after having enjoyed much improvement in the recent past. Looking back, I wish I had just said yes, and explained about the four stages of development. Instead, I told her this:

“Who told you that you have improved?”

I answered her question with a question! How impolite of me.

With a surprised look on her face, she countered: “So I haven’t improved?”

“Is that what you heard me say?” was my snarky reply.

“I told myself that I have improved”, she admitted.

“Exactly”, I started, “and that’s just a story you told yourself that you are now trying to live up to. Thinking that you have gotten better brings expectations along that will interfere as soon as you miss a few shots today. My point is, it doesn’t matter what you think your level is, what matters is to have a quality session right now, at this moment.” (Sigh)

That last sigh was my own. I often get tired of hearing myself talking like that. Did I mention that it had been a challenging lesson? That was meant for me! My client had been constantly critical of herself during the lesson, and when her internal voice is busy, it leaves little room for me to help out. Sure, I tried to make a few jokes to lighten the mood. I offered a few drills to break down some technical difficulties with her forehand, but overall, I could not help her get out of her own way. I tried, and I failed. I hate failing, so when she asked me an honest question my Ego saw its chance and delivered a lecture.

The following is my do-over, meant as an apology and to be helpful:

“Yes, Daniella, it is quite normal to experience setbacks on your way of progress. Let me explain the four phases of development, so you can discover where you are and where the frustration comes from:”

Phase One: Unconscious Incompetence

You just started playing this great sport. You have no idea about technique, strategy, or anything. But that doesn’t matter. It is so much fun to run around and to hit the ball. Every good shot is a miracle, and every bad shot is hilarious. This is a blissful state to be in.

Phase Two: Conscious Incompetence

You start to look around and see how much there is to learn. You are absorbing information about grips, swing paths, contact points, footwork, and we haven’t even discussed strategy and competition. The blissful feelings are gone, but challenging work and the enjoyment of steady progress sustains you.

Phase Three: Conscious Competence

You have learned a lot by now. You are starting to piece things together, but to do so you must spend a lot of brainpower. Some days are amazing, but you don’t know why, so the next day can be awful. This is the least rewarding state because even though your desire is great, the confidence is fickle.

Phase Four: Unconscious Competence

The return to the blissful state! Your body has been trained to operate separately from the mind. You trust your strokes and compete as a way for honest self-expression.

Most players quickly run through the first two phases only to get stuck in the third. This phase offers seemingly random positive and negative reinforcements; it’s what makes tennis so addicting.

How to get to Phase Four? Get out of your own way!

I am still working on that part myself…