No Pain, No Gain?
I did some thinking on the slogan “no pain, no gain”, and I think I’ve done a 360 on it. This is probably a valuable exercise with many slogans and truths, as language can be both powerful as well as limiting.
The power of paradox!
When I was a young aspiring tennis player I believed in no pain, no Gain—wholeheartedly. Why wouldn’t I? The adults in my life told me so, and I was an eager rule follower.
At age 12, my parents got me a private lesson. Up to that point I had done all my sports activities, including tennis, in group form. I was very driven and easily outworked most of my peers and I progressed nicely. I don’t remember the circumstances of receiving this private lesson, and I didn’t ask for it, but I certainly considered it a treat.
During this one-hour private instruction, the teaching pro nearly worked me to death, almost literally. My heart was consistently in my throat, and my lungs were on fire! As an obedient, appreciative, and eager 12-year-old would, I kept going and going. I was like the energizer-bunny commercial. I went all out for the entire hour.
My coordination and my technique were deteriorating quickly, and more importantly it was NOT an enjoyable experience. I had looked forward to this special occasion, but now I was disappointed, and the only person I knew to get disappointed with was myself. Apparently, I was not good enough, not strong enough and not fit enough to be able to handle this type of top-notch training.
Reflecting on this much later in life, I realized that this coach, a relatively young pro, was probably trying to show off to my parents how tough he was. Perhaps he was trying to make a name for himself. He was going to show them how much a young punk still had to learn. The fact that this coach was completely out of tune with his player, and that he was causing more harm than good, was a perspective I could not possess.
This experience formed my attitude that if pain is good, more pain must be better! I worked harder and harder, even to the point of diminishing returns. I consistently choose to override my internal brake system; the pain threshold we are all born with.
At age 18 and training to become a professional tennis player, I often worked so hard during off-court sessions in the morning that during on-court afternoon session I could barely move. My body felt foreign to me and could barely perform. Lots of muscle injuries were the result of neglecting micro tears and pushing past the soreness of beaten-up muscles.
No Pain, No Gain (NPNG) left a very bitter taste in my mouth after a professional career became out of reach. My healthy work ethic has been an asset to my life, but the suffering undergone as a child-athlete left some scars. I started questioning the mantra NPNG. The pain had started to frighten me, and my coping mechanisms to deal with the fear were not healthy, as coping mechanisms often aren’t. In some areas of my life this held me back. Not having well developed internal boundaries means that you cannot trust yourself. This is an all-day-every-day state of fear and anxiety that is not comfortable.
Having had the insight, awareness and understanding has allowed me to practice choice which has brought me back to the validity of the mantra.
I am starting to see that No Pain, No Gain, is indeed valid, but ONLY if I can choose my own pain.
If I want some good results, I must suffer some pain. Being patient, for instance, is painful at times, but if I choose to be patient for an outcome that I desire, I can deal with it.
Recently I started taking cold showers, first thing in the morning, because I was promised this wonderful, calm, glowing feeling afterwards. I choose the unpleasantness (pain) of the cold water, to reap the benefit. I choose pain because of the gain I desire!
I choose the pain, and I can also stop the pain at any moment. This gives me control over it. Being trapped in pain needs to be avoided at all cost; I wish I knew this as a 12-year-old!
